I SURRENDER MY DESPAIR
If ever a person "walks through the valley of the shadow of death" (Psalm 23:4, KJV) it is in a prison. But despair need not conquer us. When we trust God, our lives can become joyful despite the circumstances. Our God is all-powerful. He will comfort and care for us.
BRUISED BUT NOT BROKEN
"A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out." (Isaiah 42:3)
When I arrived in prison, I was on the edge of a complete mental and physical breakdown. I had known Christ in my youth, but had strayed so far from Him that I no longer believed He existed. I had traveled all over the world, lived in Haight Ashbury in the late sixties, built a lucrative narcotics business, and been on the run from the "feds" for almost 10 years. My nerves were completely shot.
By the time I got to prison, everyone was waiting for me to fall apart completely. I could feel a battle going on in my consciousness. On one hand I wanted to blow myself away and take as many people with me as I could, but the other side of me was restraining that destruction. Yet I was growing weaker and weaker. I was terrified I would soon lose all control.
Finally I came to that breaking point and cried out to Jesus Christ, "If You want me to live, you’re going to have to save me!" And I suddenly knew His presence; I knew He would spare me from destroying myself.
I began to read the Bible and discovered it was full of people like me who had made big mistakes and caused a lot of pain, yet had been forgiven and healed. I committed my life to Christ.
Then I saw that same healing process slowly taking place in me. I had been bruised and battered inside, but I was not broken. He restored me. I was no longer bent on destruction, but filled with new life. And as I told others about Christ’s work in me, I saw their lives change as well.
Those of us who have spent time in prison may well be "bruised reeds," but God, in His grace, has restored us completely!
Mark,* released from federal prison
PRAYER: Lord, I came to the end of myself and You were there to save me. Thank You for Your incredible love and grace. Amen.
